All about me

SO today will be my last post as the semester is ending and the class doesnt go on the second semester. But yeah. So today I am gonna talk about the most awesome thing in the world. ME!!!!!!!!!!!! So for all u who dont know me, I am VERY silly. And i have a very wide scence of humor. I will laugh at most jokes as long as they dont offend someone. I am gonna be truthful, I will laugh at a rascist joke and at times I can be racsist.I also have a heart. I can get pretty sad at some stuff. This video made me cry. Ive heard the story so many times but it still gets me. Another thing about me is i dont really have what u would call a religion. Im not athiest but I have never gone to church and never been taugt religion. So yeah. I also think that it is important to pass classes but also have fun along the way. Also I dont care if your bi/straigt/gay/lesbian, as long as your a person and u dont try to make me hate you because something you did I will be kind and respect watever. Ok. so one thing that people at JCOS dont know is what i do when im not in school. Well im a pretty average teen. I play video games, I shoot squirells in my backyard with a bb gun, I watch tv, I hang out with friends, I ride the bus to random places, I poop and I sleep. So yeah. I have hung out with bad people and done some bad/illegal things. Who doesnt anymore? So I gtg. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1000 cranes

So sadako was around 2 and r goverment how to go and bomb them. I knolw your thinking that them are dumb. So do I. There was no reason to do that. Anyways she grew up to be an athlete but then her neck swelled really big. She had lukemia. She then died. So yeah. Oh and she made a bunch of paper cranes in the process. So yeah. I hated how the US took her body to do experiments on her. Let her have her peace dammit!

Wat you need to know about me

Most people know that I am sort of a prankster, and sometimes it goes completely wrong. The consequences might be severe. I just love to get a scream out of somebody. Haha it can go wrong though. I have seen things where people die or get shot while doing a prank. That has almost happened to me once. One day me and some friends took off from a 6th grade graduation party and went to ding-dong-ditch. One house we did 2 or 3 times and on the last one the guy came out with a shotgun and pointed it at me and my friends while we were running down the street. Thankfully we got back to the party and hid. Another prank gone wrong was letting my friends nieghboors pitbull out which then it went and attacked somebody. We admitted to letting it out and thankfully they did not do any harm to the dog and the person it attacked just had some scrapes and bruises. The oridginal prank was gonna be putting a spoiled steak in his moms car before she left and then have the dog chase the car. The last and the worst prank was at my house me and my friends cameron and cody were on chat roulette and we were home alone so we got my bb gun a webcam and cody put a ski mask on and held the gun ujp to my head on camera and pretended to shoot me and someone called the police and when they came to the door they just said that people were panicing so they had to come check it out. My parents came home to cop cars at 3am and ended up sending my friends home. That was beginning of summer and since then i have been more aware of wats good and wats bad.....

Day at the shooting range!

So over the thanksgiving break I went to the shooting range. I have been wanting to go for so long. I went with my grandpa, dad and brother Tony, though I was the only one who shot. I brought six different guns and shot over $100 worth of ammo. My grandpa didnt get mad because it was in his garage collecting dust. The guns I shot was Ruger 10/22 .22 caliber, Ruger Mark 1 .22, Colt Python .357, Walther PPK .380 ACP, Mossberg 500 AT 12 guage modified choke (2 3/4 shell), Remingto model 276 pump action 30-06. I think thats all of them.

The pic above is a Colt python, One of my all time favorites.

This gun is the Walther PPK. It is really fun. So after bruising my shoulder really bad i ended up dropping a gun and it going off. That gun was the Colt python and it really sucked because it hit the window and really screwed it up cuz it was a hollow point bullet. I was really mad because even though it happened before to people at the range, My dad got mad so we left. I had so much fun. Arond 20th and kipling we got pulled over for not having the guns properly mounted. They gave us a warning and we dropped off the guns at my grampas. By that time i was having a hard time even lifting my shoulder. I had to ice it for about half an hour but then after that we went to El manatials Right down the street where i had a Steak&bean supreme burrito and a chile Reano. That was a day Im not gonna forget for a long time.

POS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok guys so todays assignment is to define all 8 parts of writing. It looks like its gonna be easy because it doesnt have to be off of the top of my head. So firt i am gonna talk about nouns. Well a sentance cannot be a sentance with out a noun. A noun is a person place or thing. Example: Over the fall break I went to the Silver Bullet Shooting Range to practice shooting my guns! See, in that sentence i included 3 different nouns. You reall cant have a sentance without a noun. The next main one is a Verb!Well a verb is basically an action. What was the person doing? U actually can have a sentence without a verb. If the noun is a place a good example would be: The old mansion downtown is very creepy! See i didnt use a verb. An example of me using a verb is: When I was at the shooting range I SHOT a bunch of big guns, Especially the 12 gauge that when fired kicked alot! Another one that you dont hear about to often is a Participle which I guess just is what links the verb to the noun.If the participle is present, it will dependably end in ing. A good example would be: Pumping led faster than the speed of light. The Participle in this is pumping. Participle is usually an adjetive because it is an action. AN INTERJECTION IS WHAT PEOPLE USE IN WRITING TO EXPRESS EMOTION! lIKE WRITE NOW SOMEBODY MIGHT ASSUME THAN IM YELLING WHICH SHOWS ANGER!!!!!!! A pronoun is he,she,they,i,you,us,them,that,it. Basiclly substituting a noun with one of these is a use of a pronoun. example: Shelly is nice. SHE gives out lolly pops to little kids. Ok so im only in 7th grade and im having a hard time with some of these. Like i would be explaining a prepostition but i dont know have. I dont understand most of these words so dont judge me ok! So an adverb is one of those words i have not learned yet. From my understanding so far it means to modify a verb. I dont know how it would work though so i dont have an example. ;( So the last one is a conjunction which is binding the gap between 2 words.An example would be FASTEST. Well thats all my time. BYE!!!!!!!!

The green is legal. I repeat, the green is legal!

On November 6th 2012, Amendment 64 passed in Colorado; Legalizing Marijuana for recreational use for people over the age of 21. The amendment made it where an average joe could go in the store and buy up to 1 ounce of marijuana. One upside to teachers and schools is that 40% Of the profits eared will go to schools in the state of Colorado.

I was not apposed to the amendment; I think it should be legal federally too. Truth is that it isnt really that harmful. It has a tar--like substance that still might go in your lungs, but it is still less harmful and less goes into your lungs. And another thing that people talk about is how it kills brain cells; Well it doesn't! It actually produces them and it also matters how you use it. Vaporizing and edibles dont do any damage at all! And please, do not go around forming opinions of people who support it. I have been researching the subject ever since i heard it in click.(Jim carey movie!) Dont call people who support it a pothead or anything like that. AND DONT CALL IT A GATEWAY DRUG cuz its NOT; Alcohol is more of a gateway drug and it is LEGAL and has been since almost the beginning of time! I state my case! please don't bash on me or anyone who supports it, because there is a little thing called free-speech!

seek meaning in life

"If you want to go from point A to point B you will end up going to point C or D."

It is hard to find a true meaning in your life. You cant plan out your hole life because change is constant. Who know? You might want to move to a distant country as a kid and you save thousands of dollars so you could do that. Imagine You had just quite your job and you found a place in Costa Rica and then suddenly you mother is diagnosed with cancer or has 6 months to live. Your hole life would change. Those thousands of dollars you raised might go into a special treatment to keep your mom alive for as long as possible. You can always have a plan, but that doesnt mean you will achieve it. You might wanna go from point A to point B and end up in point Q. This applies to me because I want to get in shooting competitions so spend hours at a range. Hundreds of dollars spent on ammo. But who knows? The whole world might lose power and we might run out of oil. I can use the skills I have been working on to fend for myself and my family. Who knows????????????????????

Obama '12

“I like PBS; I love Big Bird. Actually I like you, too,” Romney said to debate moderator Jim Lehrer, the host of PBS's "NewsHour." “But I'm not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for."

Be quit already Mitt! You talk about cutting funds to PBS but you are planning on giving the military 2 trillion dollars that hey arent requesting. Mitt Romney is wanting war! Instead of investing 2 trillion into war, why dont we get out of the middle east! All of the wars since World war II have been over profit for our country. The Vietnam war was because they were the lead growers in poppy seeds which are used to make the drug cocaine. The war starting because of 9/11 ended up being against Irag because they provided the most opium. Osama bin Laden and the taliban originated in Afghanistan. By the time Obama reached office we had already wiped out most of the opium and then we searched Afghanistan for Osama bin Laden. What about building 13? Most people dont even know about building 7. Building 7 was a 47-story skyscraper that was part of the World Trade Center complex. It would have been the tallest high-rise in 33 states. It collapsed at 5:20 pm on September 11, 2001. It was not hit by an airplane and suffered minimal damage compared to other buildings much closer to the Twin Towers. It still collapsed and it held over 150 FBI agents when it collapsed. And what about buildings 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6? Yeah they existed! You never heard about them though.

They didnt allow this video to be shown until Obama was in office. Remember that they didnt just randomly destroy the world trade center. Also I think that Bush Was asking for war because the plane wasnt a united airlines flight. It Was an U.S.A.F fighter plane! You talk about wasted money! Anyways, Ive gotten off topic. Obama's tax plan is the same one that Clinton used that went from a deficit to a surplus! And the one that Romney is talking about is the one bush used that got us into this mess! Anyways I will talk more about this as we get closer to the election.

Guns!

"You will shoot your eye out!" -Christmas story I love guns! I have always had a passion for them. Ever since I watched A Christmas Story, This has been what my dad has said to me when i asked for one. Another quote I enjoy hearing once and a while is: "When you do something involving guns, leave your middle finger at home!" Once said in a blog that I read.

This is me.

Hey guys it Vinny! I know u guys know who I am because I referred all of you here unless your in my blog class. Anyways, this blog is about crazy events that happen in my life and i also have a required post every Monday and Thursday. If you have ever met me before 7th grade, I've changed alot. Like how I used to be the kid that was always bullied and if you were my friend u would get bullied too. I have also been doing some stuff that you might call illegal. No murders or anything like that. Ive gotten 5 ticket for J-walking in the past 3 months. 2 of them were for running across I-70. You will get a ticket for walking along the highway now. I have notice that the mass killers are getting away with more stuff then me. The law in colorado is that if you have varmits and stuff that annoy you, you can legally shoot it! I shot 1 damn squirrel with my bb gun and I got in trouble for being to close to Colfax. I was a block away! And the bb stuck in the squirrel! Well anyways, Im getting off topic so bye!

the joy of learning

I think when they talk about rediscovering the joy of learning, they mean that by 7th grade going to a conventional school, you will eventually hate school. I have rediscovered the joy of learning going to JCOS. I think that if you have an open mind you will get stuff done at the open school. At the open school, we learn the basic things we need to know and then what we want to learn about. I love how they even have this blogging class for people who want to tell their stories to people around the world. It is a fun experience because i am used to having 60k people read what i post. Blogging is an easier way because anyone can see it as blogspot has it where if you are looking at a blog and press the button that says next blog, some other persons will pop up. You probably wont even know them. I wouldnt have known any of this stuff if i didnt go to the open school and rediscover the joy of learning.

Wow!

Ok so i remember how in class how that if you even posted something on your blog someone can track you. That is unless you have a private ip address. I was playing around and got the ip address of my house because my post from yesterday, and i found a website that told me the exact latitude and longitude of my house.

Its crazy. Thats why I am installing a proxy server.

My favorite song! (lyrics)

I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me with someone disappointed in you I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you I've become so numb I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be I've become so numb I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be

The owner of bigtime is a bigtime a******

Urgg this man pisses me off! I was with this kid zain working on our apprenticeship when we found a bike stolen from his friend. We thought that if last weekend some kid stole the bike from our friend that we could take it back since it isnt thiers anyway. today they didnt have any work for us so they just let us jump for a couple hours. After that our friends bike is still outside. After we got back to his house we got zains bike and we were hanging with this kid when the owner of big time pulls up and says that we stole the bike. We knew that it was our friends because he had a custom paint-job done on it about a month before. What we thought was that the kid stole it and didnt tell his parents. Then he rode it to big time and then we got it back for our friend. Then the kid probably called his mom wanting a ride. Then they looked over it on the cameras and saw us take it. So when we were at zain apartment, the owner tried taking zains and the other kids bike along with the one we took back. he said that we owed him for letting us jump after we worked. he tried making us load them and when i said there wasnt enough space he calls me a p**** and the shuts the door and cracks the window. When the 2 cops get there, he blames me for it saying that i put it in wrong. He then gets in an argument with the cop because the other 2 bikes werent stolen so he had no legal right to thier ownership. after that another cop arrived so the first cop went to talk to him. during that time, the owner of big time was trying to make us right down our addresses and our phone numbers. I told him that we dont have to give him any of that info if we didnt want to. He then called me a couple other names that i cant say and then some i didnt know until then. When the cop came over, he said that we didnt have to. He then made me call my dad to come talk to them. I ended up getting let go but zain didnt because he grabbed and rode the bike. He didnt get in that much trouble though because it was the same cop that stopped us the night before for being out past curfew. I am also thinking about suing big time as i got injured while jumping that day and they didnt make us sign the release waiver. So legally they are liable for all of my injuries. I am also planning on bringing up the whole thing about him lying about me breaking his car window. I am now banned for life from that place. I also recommend nobody going there as it is completely unsafe there. Working there, i know most secrets about the place. For example: even though the foam pit have been peed in hundreds of time, and who knows what else happened in there; all they do is spray a bunch of chemicals to cover up the smell. I also think i might be getting sick. I am so enraged right now. We did the right thing! We did work there that mast employees would have done.. We worked a total of 10 hours for him and the manager, not the owner, said that that will be our pay for working. If it costs 12 dollars every time we went that means it would have only been 36 each for 6 hours of jumping. That means he would be paying us $3.20. Minimum wage is $7.64 in colorado. That means he basically made 80 dollars for us working there for 2 days. I am subtracting the cost of us jumping. So basically, this man has no real reason to bring this to court as we will counter-sue and he will lose. I am just worrying about wat consequences i will have to face at school for losing my apprenticeship. I cant believe how the justice system works now-adays. U cant even take your bike back from someone if they steal it. what do you guys think? tell me in the comments bellow!

Awesomeness

Ok guys. This post isnt about how awesome I am.(Even though I am!)This is about a man who grew up in Canada. His parents were immigrants. He grew up in with a pretty suckish life. He met a girl,had a best friend, got a divorce and his friend killed himself. Anyway, he expressed his feelings through blogging. At first it was just his mom (LOL) and his dad that read it. Then more family and friends read it. He learned to keep going through the pain. Which Im sure everybody has had. Being 12, I have gone through bullying and heartbreak. I have never really had a easy time making friends. I am also not The ladies man ; but im still human. I have learned to get through life by focusing on what I have, not being depressed over what i want. This actually brings up a story that i just remembered last night. So it was the first day of 5th grade. I was tardy as normal. I walked in the office to meet this beautiful girl Skyelar. She was my REAL first love. I remember the blond streaks in her hair. I remember how alone, she would always stand alone outside singing California Gurls (Katy Perry) and I knew she liked me and I liked her too. I was just to nervous to ask her out. It got to where she went out with my best friend Dylan. I never got why i hung out with him. He was on diversion for pulling a knife on a kid, he smoked marijuana and he had a terrible drinking problem by 6th grade. I finally got the courage to ask he out and she said no. I was miserable and depressed for weeks to come. I was reminded of this because last night she messaged me on facebook asking me out. I have not replied because there is a girl i really like this year. I just noticed it though. At the beginning i went for the girl everybody wanted. Now im going with my heart.

Somebody's stalking me!

I think I have some facebook friends that lie about where they are from! SINGAPORE! Ive never even heard about that country!

BLOG CLASS POST #2

I found the quiz very challenging; though i got every question correct, I still feel like this is still very hard to do outside of the quiz. I am glad that i knew enough though i feel like i dont.I think it will be pretty easy for me to do it because i just blog jokes about peoples moms. I do know that people always write in messed up sentences. An an example of a run on sentence is "Your mom is so fat that wen god said let there be light and she had to get out of the way and she thought that the reason she was fat wasz cuz she was pregnant and she wasnt and she broke a chair when she sat on it. And an example of a fragment is "your moms so stupid."

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

blogography

Hey guys its vinny! alot of you guys know me as the admin of the popular facebook page which can be located at www.facebook.com/smdah. Ok so im eleven and live in denver colorado. I am the3 one who had to drink a cup of ketchup about 2 months ago. That video can be located here! Me and my friends cameron and cody also started a semi-popular youtube series called Dip$hits. Which is us doing stuff that u couldnt dream of doing. that is one example. In that video, cody ended up letting go and me and cameron got it the worst. There is also a episode where we get a crawdad and make it pinch camerons nipple. Now he had a ring in the hole that it made. U guys could find my youtube channel. Its called shatharia. I dont know why though. But anyways, This blog is something im doing for a class. I enjoy creating and hearing your mom jokes and if you em ail them to me at coolvinny19@gmail.com. If they are funny i will post them here and on my facebook page. You can also comment them. I will read all! btw, YOUR MOM SAYS HI! JYNX!

never mind! this is me and your moms favorite!

contest time!

my favorite song! (your moms too!)

Ok guys. It took me about half an hour to come up with all of these so enjoy!

Yo mama is so fat that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.

Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.

Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "taxi!"

Yo mama is so fat that she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Yo mama is so fat that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Yo mama is so fat that when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.

Yo mama is so fat that she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo mama is so fat that she left the house in high heels and came back wearing flip flops.

Yo mama is so fat that people jog around her for exercise.

Yo mama is so fat that she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.

Yo mama is so fat that you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through!

Yo mama is so fat that that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean...

Yo mama is so fat that when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo mama is so fat that when she talks to herself, it’s a long distance call.

Yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale.

Yo mama is so fat that light bends around her.

Yo mama is so fat that I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

Yo mama is so fat that people jog around her for exercise.

Yo mama is so fat that she gets group insurance.

Yo mama is so fat that she was zoned for commercial development.

Yo mama is so fat that she walked into the Gap and filled it.

Yo mama is so fat that she comes at you from all directions.

Yo mama is so fat that her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.

Yo mama is so fat that when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sings, it’s over for everybody.

Yo mama is so fat that when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton to display her picture.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.

Yo mama is so fat that she uses two buses for roller-blades.

Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.

Yo mama is so fat that she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

Yo mama is so fat that she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.

Yo mama is so fat that the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.

Yo mama is so fat that Weight Watchers won’t look at her.

Yo mama is so fat that the highway patrol made her wear a sign saying "Caution! Wide Turn".

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please".

Yo mama is so fat that she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama is so fat that when she gets on the scale it says "We don't do livestock".

Yo mama is so fat that when she tripped on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo mama is so fat that God couldn't light the Earth until she moved!

Yo mama is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama is so fat that she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo mama is so fat that she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of June.

Yo mama is so fat that she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.

Yo mama is so fat that the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy: 300, or Yo momma.”

Yo mama is so fat that she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Yo mama is so fat that she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Yo mama is so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo mama is so fat that she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama is so fat that her bellybutton’s got an echo.

Yo mama is so fat that when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.

Yo mama is so fat that her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.

Yo mama is so fat that a picture of her would fall off the wall.

Yo mama is so fat that when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.

Yo mama is so fat that she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo mama is so fat that she could sell shade.

Yo mama is so fat that I ran around her twice and got lost.

Yo mama is so fat that the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.

Yo mama is so fat that when she’s standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”

Yo mama is so fat that her blood type is Ragu.

Yo mama is so fat that when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.

Yo mama is so fat that she can’t even fit into an AOL chat room.

Yo mama is so fat that she doesn’t have a tailor, she has a contractor.

Yo mama is so fat that she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.

Yo mama is so fat that she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.

Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!

Yo mama is so fat that she has more Chins than a Chinese phone book!

Yo mama is so fat that she influences the tides.

Yo mama is so fat that when she plays hopscotch, she goes "New York, L.A., Chicago..."

Yo mama is so fat that NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama is so fat that they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama is so fat that she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama is so fat that at the zoo, the elephants throw HER peanuts.

Yo mama is so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her.

Yo mama is so fat that she sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo mama is so fat that she cant reach into her back pocket.

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama is so fat that the only pictures you have of her were taken by satellite cameras.

Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a "Malcolm X" T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama is so fat that that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo mama is so fat that when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling Free Willy.

Yo mama is so fat that she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

Yo mama is so fat that she cut her leg and gravy poured out

Yo mama is so fat that she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes.

Yo mama is so fat that she went on a light diet. As soon as it’s light she starts eating.

Yo mama is so fat that she’s half Italian, half Irish, and half American.

Yo mama is so fat that her waist size is the Equator.

Yo mama is so fat that she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

Yo mama is so fat that she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo mama is so fat that when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock at me?"

Yo mama is so fat that we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay for her because we dressed her up as a Toyota.

Yo mama is so fat that that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama is so fat that she was cut from the cast of E.T., because she caused an eclipse when she rode the bike across the moon.

Yo mama is so fat that when you get on top of her your ears pop.

Yo mama is so fat that she got hit by a car and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.

Yo mama is so fat that she eats "Wheat Thicks".

Yo mama is so fat that we're in her right now!

Yo mama is so fat that she went to the movie theatre and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama is so fat that she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.

Yo mama is so fat that when she wants to shake someones hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama is so fat that even Dora can't explore her!

Yo mama is so fat that when she gets on the scale it says "to be continued".

Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to a resturant, she looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama is so fat that her neck looks like a dozen hot dogs!

Yo mama is so fat that when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama is so fat that she's got her own area code!

Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets.

Yo mama is so fat that whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama is so fat that she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama is so fat that her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama is so fat that I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

Yo mama is so fat that she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama is so fat that when she lies on the beach no one else gets any sun!

Yo mama is so fat that that her senior pictures had to be taken from a helicopter!

Yo mama is so fat that everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama is so fat that she fell and created the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama is so fat that even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama is so fat that she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama is so fat that she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama is so fat that they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo mama is so fat that that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama is so fat that when she went to church and sat on a bible, Jesus came out and said "LET MY PEOPLE GO!"

Yo mama is so fat that when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama is so fat that she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama is so fat that she went to the fair and the kids thought she was a bouncy castle.

Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama is so fat that when she went to seaworld the whales started singing "We Are Family".

Yo mama is so fat that she fell out of both sides of her bed.

Yo mama is so fat that the stripes on her pajamas never end.

Yo mama is so fat, Al Gore accuses her of global warning everytime she farts!

Yo mama is so fat that she's got every caterer in the city on speed dial!

Yo mama's so fat that when she goes on a scale, it shows her own phone number.

Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet - she's worldwide.

Yo mama's so fat that when she goes on a scale, it reads "lose some weight".

Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't get dreams, she gets movies!

Yo mama's so fat that when she walks, she changes the earth's rotation!

Yo mama is so fat that she uses the entire country of Mexico as her tanning bed.

Yo Mama's so fat, she's the reason they invented double doors

Your momma's so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Your momma's so dumb she tried to kill herself by jumping out of the basement window

Yo Momma's so poor she uses cheerios as earrings

Yo Momma's so poor when I stepped on a lit cigarrette in your house she yelled "who turned of the heat"!

Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptised at sea world

Yo Mama's so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slepped on the floor.

Yo Mama's so stupid she sold her car for gas money

Your momma's so dirty that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.

your mom is so fat that when god said "Let there be light", she had to get out of the way!

Yo Mama's so fat she needs a wide load stiker on her butt

Your moms so poor she couldnt event pay attention.